I’m lying in bed wide awake while my husband sleeps like a baby. It’s an appropriate phrase, as a baby is exactly what we’ll be having in eight weeks time. Eek. Whether our son will sleep as peacefully as his father remains to be seen. I suspect not.
The enormity of the journey we’re about to embark on as parents is starting to hit me. And I’m scared. Really scared. I’ve loved feeling this new life moving inside me, I’ve enjoyed it as my bump has grown. But I’ll be honest, this journey has already been full of fear. Two previous miscarriages left me barely daring to believe we’d reach this point in the pregnancy. So I’d not considered the massive changes coming our way until now.
Do I know everything I need to? Er, no.
Have I been reading enough books? Probably not.
Pelvic floor exercises? I’m trying, I really am.
Will I be able to cope? God, I hope so.
Uncertainty in life is inevitable. It brings thrill, excitement and anticipation, but also a lot of worry. And that’s compounded by Mr Internet. A smorgasbord of information for the curious and the terrified. You must do this. You should do that. Don’t do this. Definitely do that. The baby industry is a ferocious beast and it can bite you on the bum if you let it.
Until this point it was all about work for me. I poured everything into my career and hadn’t seriously considered children until I met my husband a few years ago.
Of course we’re also ridiculously excited. I’ve enjoyed picking out clothes and all the baby equipment. I’ve taken on board the biblical-like barrage of things to remember, conveyed to us by a nursery assistant at a well-known department store. Who incidentally, was a man with the best moustache (and parenting knowledge) I’ve ever come across. And I’ve joined a great Facebook group with lovely women all having babies around the same time. That’s already been a huge support.
I’ve also come to realise that no-one really knows what they’re doing. And I guess that applies to life as much as parenthood. That even those who seem like the most confident people in the world have insecurities, just like everyone else. We all do the best we can, make the decisions we believe are right at the time and hope it turns out for the best.
When I get stressed now, I try to remember how much love we’re going to have for this baby. Because, to coin a phrase from a little-known 60s band from Liverpool, that really is all you need.