Worry…

“Worry. Worry, worry, worry, worry. Worry just will not seem to leave my mind alone…”

Ray LaMontagne. Every time I hear those words, I raise a wry smile. He knows me so well.

I worry about everything. Work. Family. Forthcoming wedding. University talk. Getting fat. Not running enough. If my friends like me. If my colleagues like me. What people think of me. You name it, I worry about it.

It’s not easy being like this. I yearn to be able to kick back and relax, to let the world throw at me what it may, whilst I skip oblivious through a metaphorical meadow, a la Sound of Music.

I’ve always worried. As a child, getting myself into state over my Maths homework. My chew-ended grotty pencil thrown down in a fit of frustration and anxiety, as drops fall from my face. Worrying about a swimming lesson. Or a party. Or starting school. Leaving school. Everything.

I remember playing a piano duet in a competition when I was about eight. The ensuing worry resulted in a white-knuckle, green-faced bus ride, no doubt just as unpleasant for my musial partner in crime and my mother as it was for me.

Despite this, I am sociable, determined and ambitious. I push myself in all aspects of my life. Then, inevitably, I spend ages worry about the consequences. The new job. Moving cities. Moving homes. Relationships. I’m worrying now about how this post will be received…

Worry is a parasite. It eats away at you and has no purpose. There are times however, I think I thrive on it, and it spurs me on, prompting enough nerves to perform well. However, more often than not, I jut want to be able to shake it off and approach everything in a cheerful, optimistic way.

When I look back on all the things I’ve fretted about (and there are many!), it stands to reason that none of them were really worth the worry.

On the plus side, I like to think a worrier is often a very caring person. But I also think there are times when I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. And start caring about me.

“Drag your thoughts away
from your troubles…
by the ears, by the heels,
or any other way you can manage it.”
― Mark Twain

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