Deeply Dippy: Mobile phone mishaps and other adventures

  

“My phone has definitely been stolen.”

Scatty, absent-minded, flighty, lacking common sense, dippy. Forgetting things, losing things, misplacing things. I’ve always been this way, and it’s getting worse. I remember as a child my mother giving me a £10 note to go to the shop and buy some groceries, along with a letter to post. What did I do? Of course I posted the £10 and tried to pay for the food with an envelope.

Living in London where everything is go, go go, it’s even easier to lose your mind. One of my standard blunders is trying to get into work by swiping my Oyster (tube) card on the pad. I’ve also tried to pay for things using it. And just to mix it up a bit, I also do it the other way around.  Trying to get through the gates in the underground using the work pass hanging round your neck isn’t much fun.

About a week ago I was in a panic in my flat. I couldn’t find my watch. I was looking everywhere, telling my fiancé “it’s gone, I know it’s gone, something’s happened to it.” “You have checked you’re not wearing it?” he replied. Ah. Ok. Was round my wrist the whole time. The same thing has happened with my glasses, sending my into a blind panic only to find they’ve been perched on my forehead the whole time.

This absent-mindedness extends to song lyrics too. Whilst on a night out as a student I overheard my friend singing the lines, “It’s Raining Men, Hallelujah…it’s raining men….”

Ha, I thought. I won’t embarrass her in front of everyone by telling her she’s got the words wrong.

A short time later I took her aside.

“You do know you have the words to that song wrong, yeah? That it’s actually “It’s a rainy day?”

Friend: “What?! No it’s not!! Ha Ha Ha!”

Me: “Don’t tell anyone.”

She told everyone.

My finest hour however was about a week ago at work. I came in for my shift and sat down. Now, where’s my phone?

I searched my jacket pockets, searched my bag, it was nowhere to be seen. Panic was starting to set in.

My colleagues advised I retrace my steps, so I returned to the coffee shop right next to work where I’d been just before. Looked around – no phone.

Back to work, back to desk. At which point my boss suggested I go online to the site where your phone’s location can be pinpointed, thanks to the wonders of modern technology. It showed up that it was in the coffee shop.

Back to the coffee shop, members of the public lifting up cushions, random people calling my phone, helping me look. Right, someone must have stolen it and is using it in here, I thought.

Who could it be? My eyes scanning the room like a modern day Columbo. One thing I learnt was that everyone has a mobile phone that looks like mine.

I trudged back to my office, resigned to the fact I would never see my beloved phone again. At which point my boss suggested I click the button on my computer screen that sounds an alert for your phone, even if it’s on silent.

Beeeeeeep! Beeeeeeep!

Crap. It was in the room. Oh the shame. And somewhere near me. I picked up my bag again, looked in my pockets. No, it sounded much closer than that. Closer to my computer. No – it couldn’t be…yes, it is. There, nestling quite happily under my computer’s keyboard, was my lovely mobile phone.

Ground open please. I need to be swallowed up now.

I’m really hoping other people have had similar experiences…Or am I a lone scatterbrain?!

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