I was doing well. Really well. I’d adopted the calm, mature, sensible approach. Still nine months to go until the wedding. All the important things booked. Yes. I could sit back and enjoy. Coasting along the lazy planning river like a swimmer in a rubber ring, meandering blissfully towards my wedding day. Peaceful. Serene. At ease with myself and everyone around me.
Unfortunately, this self-imposed bridezilla hiatus has come to an abrupt end. The breaking point? Stumbling across a Twitter link to a celebrity wedding where the bride had not one, not two, but three wedding dresses. All Vera Wang ones no less.
How ridiculous. Now in no way am I even entertaining the idea of three dresses. I mean I need at least four… However, this got thinking about my own dress. Which I won’t get to see for another seven months – around a month before the wedding, as it has to be ordered in. But this got me thinking. What if I don’t like it? What if they can’t replace part A with part B and alter part C whilst keeping part D? What if it doesn’t arrive? What if they’ve ordered the wrong dress? You get the picture.
This procrastinating widened. I find things pop into my head during the most inopportune and random moments. At a work meeting. Hmmm. Haven’t really got invitations organised yet. What about the cake? In bed at night: What can the piper play? Did I message back the hairdresser? Eventually everything’s immersed in a huge melting pot of wedding panic, swirling round my brain full spin like a broken record…What about the ddddress, dress, dress, dress, dress. Cake, cake cake cake…Invitations, ‘tations, ‘tations…..
And so it was. I stooped to an all-time low. Quite shameful really. Yes, that’s right. I got a photo of my dress and tried to block out a particular part of it using my laptop’s ‘Paint’ function. And just in case some of you haven’t done this, here’s a few little helpful notes:
1. Don’t do it. It doesn’t work.
2. My artistic skills are on par with Geri Halliwell’s singing (sorry Gezza)
3. Try to match it to a colour similar to rest of dress (ie not black) to avoid an exacerbation of wedding dress panic.
4. The fact you are doing this should be an indication that you are, in fact, crazy. Switch off laptop.
5. Go to nearest dark room.
6. Lie down, and don’t come out until tomorrow.