Battling Bridezilla: Snoozing Beauty

You could say I’m the original Sleeping Beauty. Without the beauty bit. I’ve spent hundreds of years in a slumber-like state waiting for my prince to come. With a few nightmares along the way. Well now he has. And I have the challenging task of addressing the ‘beauty’ part before our wedding.

For many women, this is easy. Those who actually look after themselves properly. Freshly manicured, immaculate make up and perfectly coiffured tresses. A straight-off-the-catwalk sense of style.

I am not like this. For me, making an effort usually involves hastily rubbing on some cheap foundation whilst trying not to stain my clothes with it. And brushing my hair so I don’t resemble the scarecrow in The Wizard of Oz. Especially with that frizzy bit at the side.

The beauty industry bamboozles me. There are so many things you can have done. And I’m scared of them all.

It’s still hard for me to talk about. Sitting on my friend’s sofa screaming as she attempted to pluck my eyebrows for me. Although the look on her face when I told her I’d never had them done in my 20-something odd years on the planet was priceless.

It’s not that I don’t have an interest in beauty and looking good. When it comes to clothes, I like buying stuff just as much as the rest of ‘em. It really comes down to this: I’m lazy. And a bit fearful.

I remember getting done up for a wedding a few years ago. I’d thought ‘sod it, I really should make an effort’.

As I walked in (look everyone, it’s the new improved me!!!’) no-one noticed. Great.

Despite this, and with my own wedding approaching, I’ve decided to take matters into my own nail-bitten hands and signed up for a beauty night at a London department store. Which is this evening.

Now I’m not saying I’m not looking forward to it. But I’m not. The fear is here. Glam-central meets me, with my straw-hair, foundation-stained clothes and Primark ankle boots. Which, incidentally, are astonishingly durable.

Facials, face peels, face masks, face wipes, face offs. Eyebrow tints, eyebrow perms, eyebrow shapes, eyebrows raised-though hopefully not at me…

However, as I prepare to step into this unknown world, a few words on the (scented) invite keep me going. ‘Chocolate and prosecco.’ Beautiful.


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